Starting this blog for me is to get out all my feelings. A quick "status update" here and there sometimes just isn't enough. What got me to this point you might say? Well, a week ago today got me to this point. Normally, I like to keep things light and fun. Life is so chaotic that talking online is a release and relaxing. A week ago today though light and fun had to take a pause, because that's when the unimaginable happened. I was at work, a normal day, and I saw people huddled around the TV. This is normal, I mean people take breaks at work and watch the TV so I thought nothing of it. As I got closer I saw in big words across the bottom of my screen "SHOOTING AT A CT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AT LEAST 20 DEAD MOSTLY CHILDREN". Well this mom of 4 instantly stopped. Not the way I stopped for any other mass shooting (like most of you I'd seen this before). This was different. Why was this different? Well because I have an elementary school student and I got her ready that morning to go to school too. Now I'm a million miles away in Florida, but this could have happened to my child. It could have happened to any of our children. I imagined my daughter who loves school. Who's excited to spell something for me, or ask "Does 2 + 1= 3 mommy?" and as I say "yes" with a sigh because she's asked me a million other math problems that day. I thought "those parents never again will get to hear their child ask them if T-H-E spells "the". So I'm mad, I'm so, so, so, mad. Who am I mad at? The shooter? His mother who knew he had issues but left guns in his reach? The people in public media that were shoving microphones in 7 year olds faces and say "were you scared"? The people on public forums that want to make this about gun control and don't take our guns away? All of them I guess. I'm mad for every child, teacher, staff member, that was just doing what they do every day and is now cheated out of life. The same thing my child was doing that day by going to school and the same thing I was doing by going to work. Why did this happen? Why if this mad man was so mad or distraught did he have to take his rage out on innocent people? Well these are questions we will never know. There's no answer to this, but at the same time I ask myself, will I be mad forever? No, but my life changed a little bit Friday. I see people post about forgiveness and even one of the parents that lost their child forgave the shooter already. Does this make those people better people? I don't know, but I'm not so forgiving. I know, not being able to forgive easy isn't a good quality. I guess I'll work on that in life. For now though, I have a 5 year old waiting to talk my ear off and feel for those parents that don't get that well deserved same privilege.
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| Our Elf Angelina wearing pink and blue ribbons for all the boys and girls of Sandy Hook. RIP little angels. |
