The second time around.

As many of you know my kids span from ages 19 to 4.  Yes 15 years apart.  When I had my oldest daughter Keiana I was only 19 myself.  Just a kid still trying to figure out life.  She was my only child until she was 12.  Her dad and I divorced when she was 4.  I was lucky enough to meet my now husband 2 years later when she was 6.  Although we didn't marry until years later she kinda grew up with us.
Being young and still in my 20s and dating, I wasn't the parent I am today to my little kids (4,5, and 7 years old).  I let her hang out with the adults.  Watch movies and TV shows she shouldn't,  and probably talked about adult subject matter where she could hear.  I didn't shield her.
Don't get me wrong I think I was a good mom.  I was always there for her, didn't party and leave her with random strangers, nope never.  The day she was born my life was no longer mine, I always knew that.   I felt "well if she's gonna learn, see, hear it somewhere I'd rather it be at home".  Well I no longer feel that way.  I say let your kids be kids as long as you can.  Put them in that plastic bubble where the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny are all true and fun.  Where the worst thing that happens is you get a boo boo that day.  I wish I did this with her.  I wish she didn't see MTV until she was well....never!  There's no videos on now and if they are they are horrible videos of women being degraded.  I wish I hugged her more and said I love you.  I do now, but I regret the cuddle time when she was little.  The times I thought "she will always be little".
Well she's not little.  Nope, now she's in college and the highlight of my day is talking to her on the phone and listening to her tell me about her latest test or paper.  I wonder what she ate today?   Is she ok with money?  (because I know she'd never ask me for a dime)  I ask myself did I teach her all the right things so she can make the right decisions?  I regret a lot of things with her.  I am so extremely proud of her.  I'm not always so proud of myself.  She's always told me "you're a great mom".  Well I appreciate it, but I certainly wish I did things different.
The first day I realized this was when I took one of the little kids homemade cupcakes to school.  The school told me "due to allergies we can only have store bought cupcakes brought in".  I asked Keiana "was it like that when you were in school?'  She responded "You never made me cupcakes".  Well that was a slap of reality!  Needless to say Keiana took cupcakes to school that next day (she was in 9th grade, the kids still like them).

So now here I am...the second time around.  My kids are in Pre-K, Kindergarten, and 2nd grade.  On my agenda this year is to go with each of them on a field trip.  The truth is, I've never been on a field trip.  Nope, I worked too much when Keiana was growing up. I had a job that was never flexible never let me off for anything.  Even if I took off for a doctors appointment my peers gave me the guilt trip so I rarely did.  I took a job Keiana's senior year of high school that gave me that flexibility.  Her senior year I didn't miss a single meet, event, anything.  I owed her that.  I owed myself that.
I missed out with her and I hate it.  Time is gone I will never get back.  I wish I could rewind and she could be that little girl that said "boys and GAAARS" in my class.  Or told me how something "just ready happened".  I miss that cute little girl.  So parents when they say it goes fast, believe me it does.  Don't miss a moment to tell your kids you love them, hug them, and shield them.  They have plenty of time to grow up.  Go be the tooth fairy, make forts with them, color with them, do it all.  You will be glad you did.

Keiana and I at her high school graduation in May of this year.